The Struggle Between The Self and The Good

So, this is my dilemma up to this point in my life.

1) Go with my self interest in making films that addresses social and worldly problems, and thereby enables me to express my emotions, ideas, perspectives LIBERALLY.

2) Do something that directly helps end global poverty...perhaps going into education or public health. No on economics, even though it is integral to the development of poor countries. (I lack confidence in economics due to previous failures.)

So what will it be, Joanne?

I feel like I need a release of the self that has been lurking in me all these years. The self that drenches in perceptions and colors. The self that desires to break social norms and live on the fringe of life. The self that wants to make films that can make people reflect on their lives, wake them and shake them up a bit, and connect with those who are lost in the game of life.

Yet, what about global poverty, a HUGE problem that led me to majoring in International Development Studies. I believe in humanity and that doing small goods can give a catalyst effect on the greater scale of things like attaining world peace, for example.

Yes, I have come to realize that world peace is not possible due to the human nature of greed. If this planet were to be left with two people, they will probably try to outdo the other with properties ( food, shelter, and other valuable goods) in some shape or form. So, realistically speaking, the step down from world peace would probably be narrowing the gap between the rich and the poor in this world, hoping to level out the playing field for the poor. (A sudden bolt of thought comes to my mind......it is BECAUSE people have self interests that the world ended up the way it is today, fumed with wars, killings, sufferings, fear..) So...should I just give up on my self-interest?

But then it could be argued that it's my "self-interest" to make the world a step closer to the ideal of world peace b/c I want to see that happen. I want to see all human beings having equal opportunities in getting education, health care, human rights...etc.

I need some self-healing, yet I want to heal others.